Lifetime Goal: Smile More.

I've gone back and forth in my head about how personal I want to get on this blog.  It's supposed to be about nutrition, fitness and my journey into healthy - but I guess that includes mental health as well.  Sometimes, I think this blog is too sterile and could use a touch of personal info to warm it up.  This isn't my first blog - my first blog was actually created as a therapeutic tool in dealing with the anger I was feeling over my baby brother's deployment to Afghanistan, and then later to Iraq.  That was a rough time for me.  It makes me sad when I think back to how much time I wasted on all that hate and anger.  My friends and my husband, god bless them, were the rocks in my life - solid and strong they kept me surrounded with their love an support.  I can't imagine how broken I'd be without them.

Sometimes it's easier to write what I feel than to actually vocalize it.  That is where the blogging came in.  At some of my more angry days my hate was geared toward the war, the Administration and the abundance of ignorance that is created when you mix religion + politics.  It was during these blogs that I met some really wonderful people - supportive people, who to this day I am still in contact with. One piece of advice that my (then new) friend Kerstin told me was to try and use my anger in a positive fashion instead of a hateful one.  Of course, she has an amazing way with words and wrote it in a much more eloquent way but you get the gist.  Take the things in life that bother you and find a way to turn them around with a positive spin.  My baby brother, who celebrated his 21st birthday in Baghdad, returned to us safely.  He's seen things no one should see and has aged in years beyond my own but he is now in a good place, as am I.  This was just one of many experiences that has led me to where I am now.  I am in a good place, yet I feel like I need to smile more.  Smiles, like moods, are contagious too.  I want to smile at a stranger and have them smile back.  And then pass it along.  Sounds silly, I know but if you knew someone with an enigmatic smile then you'd understand.

My Great Aunt Mary was an incredible woman - an grandmother to me, a mother to my mum and a mentor to us both.  Her smile is the epitome of kindness and love.  She smiled at everyone - and they smiled back.  My favorite was the look of surprise on a strangers face when they smiled back.  You just couldn't help it.  It was contagious.  Of course, it was more than just moving her mouth into the shape of a smile - it was the love and kindness and radiated from her.  One year at Christmas Eve mass a woman came over to us afterward just to meet the "woman with such a loving smile" that she could see from across the church. That was my Aunt Mary.

Even as the cancer took over her lungs until she still was a beacon of love. Since her passing my lifetime goal has been to smile more.  Genuine smiles - meaning, find something happy inside, build from that and then share it with the world in a form of a smile. 

I've been thinking about Aunt Mary a lot lately and have used those memories to remind me to smile more.

Just like she used to.

j

Comments

[Britt]

This is a great goal. I think mine (lately, i change my mind alot!) has been to know where my energy is focused. I waste a lot of energy and time being upset about things I have done, choices I have made. I also focus on the negative impact others have on me. I am doing WAY better with that than I did just 4 years ago, but nevertheless I can always be better.
Last thing.. I hope you do smile more! Smiles are infectious and we could use a few more around this world :-)

[Kat]

Beautiful post. The type of post that inspires me to start blogging again.